Angel Story

Name:            Vonnie Aldrete
Email:           vonnie_aldrete@uhc.com
Location:        Chandler, AZ
Anonymous:       
Type:            Angel
Date:            Wednesday, December 08, 1999
Time:            01:25 PM

Two Special Angels

It was Thursday, November 20, 1998 and my son Sean and his beautiful wife Shenique were expecting their first child, a baby boy they named Xavier Christian Hart, any moment now. Her due date was just a few days away, but because she had some complications the doctor decided to induce labor. The hospital's Labor and Delivery Unit was too full so we anxiously waited for the hospitals call telling us there was room. Friday and Saturday passed and despite our persistent calls to the doctor and hospital, they insisted there was still no room. We hoped we could naturally induce labor with pedicures, massages, greasy food and long walks on Saturday but it didnt happen. My daughter Michelle, had just moved in to her new home so I decided to spend Saturday night with her, helping her to unpack and get settled. Then Sunday, around noon, the call came we had all been waiting for. Sean called to tell me they were on their way to the hospital. I told them I would take a quick shower and be right there. When I got out of the shower approximately 45 minutes later, I overheard Michelle yelling, if you think this is funny, its not, so stop it! I walked into her room and asked what was going on and she replied, its Poncho (my youngest son), you talk to him..hes saying the baby died and they want you at the hospital right now. I grabbed the phone and asked, what is going on? He told me the horrible news and said, Sean needs you mom. I could not believe this was happening. I was so angry with the doctor and hospital for they knew she was having problems and allowed her to carry the baby until it was too late.

The hospital was approximately 35 minutes away, how could I ever make it? I threw on my clothes and jumped in my car, driving as quickly and defensively as possible, screaming and crying all the way. I knew I had to let it all out before arriving so I could have some sense of sanity for my children. Michelle stayed behind to notify other family members and would later meet us at the hospital. As I entered the hospital I stopped in my tracks to ask God to give me strength and courage to cope with what I was about to face.

I entered their silent room to find them staring out the window and into space. I held them close and we all quietly sobbed. We knew the worst was yet to come, because we still had to go through labor and delivery, knowing our little Xavier would be dead.

Only yesterday we were all so happy as visited Michael and Angie, two of Seans best friends, at another hospital. They had just delivered a beautiful little baby girl and we were all looking forward to the babies growing up together and being lifetime friends. For months we had laughed about it and the daddy's teased each other about keeping the male away from the female when they get older. Now this would never happen.

The next several hours were indescribable as we struggled to understand, cope, and prepare for the funeral of our little baby we had not yet seen. Family and friends began arriving and several hours later labor was finally induced. Shenique was so brave despite the fact her baby was deceased and that we almost lost her too as her blood pressure skyrocketed.

In the wee hours of the morning the moment finally came which we had anticipated for the last nine months. Little Xavier was about to enter our world, only it would be different than we had planned for. We all knew what was about to happen, but our faith told us maybe they were wrong and there was hope as long as we had God by our side.

Both grandma's and daddy were present as our beautiful little Xavier made his way into our world. We all waited, praying they were wrong and that there would be a cry, a sigh, a movement, anything. First his little head, then his little body and we all silently prayed, "breathe, breathe, breathe." Our smiles, our first instinct, at the beauty of his birth quickly turned to tears because there was no cry, no sigh, nothing but a lifeless, beautiful little boy.

As I held him in my arms, I asked myself , how could this happen? Why? Why? Why? This was not fair. Was it an act of God, or truly the doctors negligence as we suspected. I was so angry and my heart was ripped to shreds. How would we ever survive this? So many questions and no answers.

For the first time in my life, I had lost my faith in God. I was struggling. How could I be there for my children, how could I answer their questions, when I had none myself. I prayed but got no answers. Ive struggled all my life as a single parent to raise three children and always did my best to provide faith, religion and strength to them. God always saw us through the trials and tribulations and never let us fall. But now Im asking myself, where is he? If there really is a God, why did he allow this to happen? What purpose could it serve and how do I answer these questions? I have no strength now, I am so weak, what do I do?

I had been seriously ill for the past few months with bronchitis and asthma and now I literally felt as if I were truly dying. I really wanted to at that point but I knew I had to be there for the kids so I asked God to spare my life. The following days were spent planning the funeral, taking down Xavier's crib and packing away his tiny little things. Sean did not want me to leave the hospital for long so I spent three nights at the hospital in a chair until she was released. I wanted to die..my spirit was broken, I was weak, I had no answers, Id lost my faith and now developed a case of the shingles.

We laid little Xavier to rest the day after Thanksgiving, following a beautiful tearful service.

Sean's son from a previous relationship, four-year-old Roman was as much a part of the pregnancy as we all were. Always lifting Sheniques blouse to touch the baby and feel him move, talking to him, kissing him and looking forward to the day he had a little brother he could play with. Mom and dad were building a new home in anticipation of his birth and Roman was very excited about the home, his new room and impending birth of his baby brother. It was so hard to explain to him that Xavier was not coming home, that he was in heaven with Jesus.

It has been a year now since we lost our little one and it has been a trying year for all, except little Roman. As the days and months passed, Roman always asked about Xavier and when he was coming home. I spent a weekend with the kids shortly after they moved into their new home. Roman was there for the weekend and when I asked to see his new room, he excitedly showed it to me and proceeded to tell me he was going to share it with Xavier. I explained again that Xavier was with Jesus and would not be coming home to share his room so it was all his own. He emphatically told me, he will be back when he is done with Jesus and then I will share. For the next several months he spoke of Xavier as if he were here, to not only his dad, stepmom and me, but his mom as well. We all started wondering, does this child have a special bond? What is it that he can see and we cant? Is it just innocence?

Then came the Fourth of July 1999. Another of Seans best friends and his wife just delivered a beautiful little girl, Isabelle. All the friends and family gathered at the home of Mike and Angie, and following a day of food and drinks we went to fireworks and then to the hospital to see the proud parents and new baby. It was so difficult as we were so happy for them, but couldn't help but remember Xavier and our loss. We were fighting our tears and didnt want to take away from their happiness so only stayed long enough to congratulate them and see the baby. As we were on our way out of the hospital, I tried not to let anyone see the tears pouring down my face. As we exited the hospital, Shenique broke down and sobbed. Sean asked me to take Roman for a few minutes as he walked with his wife trying to comfort her.

There were still fireworks behind the hospital so Roman and I stood in the parking lot watching them, me trying to hide my tears. As I was pointing out the fireworks in the sky to Roman, he looked up and saw my tears. He said, Nana, why are you crying? Lost for words, I replied, because I miss Xavier sweetie. He said, why? I replied, because I cannot see him. He looked at me and said, why Nana, I can, and pointed to the sky and said, hes right there, hes peaking out. My tears immediately were mixed with laughter and joy as I picked up this innocent little boy and held him in my arms. When mom and dad approached in their truck and I safely tucked him in his car seat, Shenique was still crying. We held each other tightly and I shared my experience with Roman. Her tears also turned to laughter and since then, even though I still dont have an answer, my faith in God has been renewed. I believe that God blessed us with two special angels, one in heaven and one on earth that share a very special bond and keep us all very close.